Daniel’s 40th Birthday Present To You: Reflections On Life, Love, And All The Above

This past Saturday (July 16th) I turned 40. I managed to stay up until midnight that Friday leading into my birthday and at midnight — the exact second it was my 40th year on this planet — I was hit with a flood of immediate memories, feelings, emotions, and snap snapshots. All within about 10 seconds I remembered:

• the town in Virginia where I am from, the house on Longstreet Drive with the huge garden of vegetables my grandfather would grow each year.

• the living in Europe that took up half of the first 16 years of my life. The friendships I still maintain from that time. All the places I’ve seen and been that most people will only read about in books or watch on the history channel. Thanks Mom for the opportunity to see and experience so much before I was even 16 years old. I didn’t always understand it, but man am I grateful for it as an adult

• the high school in Stockbridge, Ga where I graduated — thanks to everyone from those days I haven’t seen in years but sent me thoughtful FB birthday wishes — particularly the 2 friends from those days I still talk with and shared brunch with on Sunday the 17th. We may not see each much but man I love you guys.

• College and all of its…. well, you know.

• My first job

• My first business

• First loves, forever loves, and tough heartbreaks

• My son being born….

This list goes on and on, but more importantly there are some aspects of life that my 40 years have taught me — as a person that fancies personal and professional growth — there are no shortages of shit I have learned. Some the easy way and some the hard way. So, without further delay, here are my short reflections on some everyday topics that I’ve learned in my 40 years.  And just to make it as cliche as possible — there are 40.

1️⃣ The road less traveled isn’t for everyone and that’s okay.

2️⃣ Commit to the work and you still won’t always get what you desire, but you will learn and you may end up with something even better than what you thought you wanted.

3️⃣ “Keep Your Eye on the Prize” is horse shit — don’t let the desire for the outcome rob your enjoyment of the process - celebrate ALL the wins, not just the end goal.

4️⃣ Stop fucking complaining - problems are opportunities - set a timer, bitch for 5 minutes, and move on. That negative energy you’re carrying from complaining won’t serve you.

5️⃣ Left/ right - who cares. It’s our ability to see someone else’s point of view without impressing upon them our own feelings and emotions regardless if we agree with them or not that separates ideology from radical ideology (assholes).

6️⃣ Love & loss are one and the same. You will find joy and sadness in both.

7️⃣ Happiness is an inside job — no one and nothing can fill your internal voids. It’s your responsibility to do the work and find happiness within yourself.

8️⃣ You are responsible for your feelings not the person that hurt them. They are responsible for the action that caused the hurt.

9️⃣ Apologies are for the person who committed the act — it makes the person at fault feel better but an apology doesn’t always make the offended person feel better. A real apology is found in the change in behavior.

1️⃣0️⃣ Real forgiveness is a choice that’s not always easy to make and it does not involve grudges, paybacks and holding faults over the other person

1️⃣1️⃣ Faith and fear are made up emotions. They don’t exist. Fear means you let what “might” happen run ramped in your mind and control your emotions, while faith means you decide for yourself what to believe in and which emotions to listen to.

1️⃣2️⃣ Friendships will come and go. Family members will turn their backs on you. People get salty. Do your due diligence then move the fuck on.

1️⃣3️⃣ People will upgrade everything else in their lives - their cars, their clothes, their kitchens - but will hold onto the same outdated thought processes they learned in 1992.

1️⃣4️⃣ Money doesn’t change people. It only amplifies who they are. If you’re an asshole you’ll be an even bigger one as a billionaire.

1️⃣5️⃣ Money is NOT the root of all evil. If this was the case why would the church collect it every Sunday. Don’t come at me and comment that, “Churches are evil.” Ya’ll need Jesus.

1️⃣6️⃣ Learning to receive is equally as important as giving.

1️⃣7️⃣ We are nothing more than a collection of other peoples thoughts, feelings, and teachings. Very few of us will actually make the decision to define our own selves and create our own individual values and beliefs.

1️⃣8️⃣ “Independence” is not having your own house, car, clothes, money and not needing anyone else - that attitude makes you insufferable NOT independent. Independence is discovering fulfillment, joy, happiness, and meaning for your life INTERNALLY.

1️⃣9️⃣ “Interdependence” is being able to share your independence with someone else.

2️⃣0️⃣ Personal growth work is fucking hard. That’s why many people don’t do it. They’re afraid if they let go of a feeling or action that is no longer serving them, they won’t know who they are.

2️⃣1️⃣ A man who seeks ideas needs starvation but a man who seeks truth needs to be fed. Ideas are great but until you seek truth through action, you’re playing small. Stop shopping on the mental clearance rack.

2️⃣2️⃣ Sometimes we have to leave what we know in order to find out what we know. Some of us get stuck repeating the same day in and day out trash because we’re afraid of the actual truth — that we’re made for more.

2️⃣3️⃣ The choice you make is not nearly as important as making a choice and taking action. Stop sitting still. Move.

2️⃣4️⃣ There’s no such thing as a “mid life crisis.” There is such a thing as an awakening to who you are. As a male we’re geared to serve our families and our careers. Once we get to a point where there is less responsibility and more financial security we can finally open up to who we are. Get the tattoos, the motorcycle, the sports car, the piercings — it’s always been your life.

2️⃣5️⃣ The phrase, “Must be nice,” is used to describe a current desire to be like someone else. But no one was saying, “it must be nice,” when that same person was struggling through sleepless nights and unpaid bills while they were creating their dream life. Remember the success you see is only a microscopic portion of the work that done to get there.

2️⃣6️⃣ Your triggers are your responsibility to own. No one else’s. Stop making others accountable when you get “triggered.”

2️⃣7️⃣ We all are born into different circumstances, with different talents, and different access to the world, BUT we all should be afforded the same opportunity for success.

2️⃣8️⃣ Enjoy the process rather than searching for validation in the accolades. In other words, do you read 50 books a year to say that you read 50 books a year or do you do it for the internal gain of knowledge?

2️⃣9️⃣ Gratitude. Too many of us spend time bitching about what we don’t have while neglecting to show gratitude for all the things we do have.

3️⃣0️⃣ Relationships are never 50/50. You really want 50% of someone? 🤔

3️⃣1️⃣ Who do you think you are? This is a question I often ask myself. It’s different from when I was a child — that version of the question comes with a negative tone. I mean it this way — who do I think I am to be so bold to be exactly who I am and know that who I am is a constant evolution and growth journey.

3️⃣2️⃣ Your mindset determines your success. I don’t care how smart, how privileged, or how good looking you believe you are — if you’re mindset isn’t built for success you will fail.

3️⃣3️⃣ How you talk to yourself about yourself is important. There is a difference between being a “fuck up” and “fucking something up.” You would be wise to know the difference and understand that just because you screwed up, that doesn’t make you a screw up.

3️⃣4️⃣ I thought I would’ve accomplished more by now. Have we talked about bad mindset? Does it motivate you to have a negative thought like this one? Most likely not. Find gratitude in where you are and who you have become. Then get uncomfortable with staying there — you will see the change you desire.

3️⃣5️⃣ Parenting 101: give your children a chance to form their own identities without your traumas influencing them while you disguise it as protection. (Some of ya’ll didn’t like the one)

3️⃣6️⃣ Travel. Go see the world and experience the people outside of the fancy resorts and confinement. You’ll realize there’s no privilege other than “American Privilege.”

3️⃣7️⃣ Values and beliefs are the corner stone of your life. Your values and beliefs ultimately shape your decision making. Your values need to evolve in order for you to evolve. Your values need to evolve in order for your relationships to evolve. Your values need to evolve in order for your professional self to evolve.

3️⃣8️⃣ Spirituality. Call it God, Gods, Music, Dance, The Universe, Meditation. Whatever. You need to connect to something higher than yourself.

3️⃣9️⃣ 90s hip hop and R&B was the best music era. (Fight me).

4️⃣0️⃣ “Beer is proof that god loves us and wants us to be happy.” - Benjamin Franklin

As always, I would love to hear all of your thoughts or answer any of your questions on this. Thank you so much for the birthday wishes, old man jokes, listening to our podcast and engaging with us in our community. Each of you hold a special place in our hearts and I know I can speak for Oriana as well when I say we appreciate you.

And, thank you for taking the time to read this small part of me I wished to share with each of you.

Cheers to another 40 🍻-

Daniel Tribby, ATC, CNP